Saturday, May 9, was one of those rare, life-defining blessings that carries you through the difficult days that inevitably follow. Meeting Vicki Lawrence — the Emmy-winning star of The Carol Burnett Show and Mama’s Family — before her live comedy performance at the Newton Performing Arts Center is something my family and I will treasure for the rest of our lives. I have adored Vicki Lawrence for as long as I can remember. I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to her publicist, Sandy Brokaw, and to her son, Garrett Schultz, who directs her touring shows for making us Vicki’s personal guests. Because the performance was sold out, she provided seats for us along the side of the auditorium. Thrilled to be in the building, all of us being able to hug her and tell her what her meant work meant nearly brought me to tears. She graciously signed my copy of her autobiography along with my treasured 1973 album of The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia. Before the show began, I could hear Vicki warming up backstage by singing that famous song and rehearsing one of the evening’s funniest stories, recounting a backstage exchange between herself and Carol Burnett just before they performed their very first “Family” sketch together. The two women were in the ladies’ room when Carol suddenly called out in her now-famous Southern drawl, “Mama!”
“What is it, Eunice?” Vicki shouted back in character.
“Well, I was wonderin’ if you had any toilet paper over there.”
“Well, I’m busy right now, but when I get done doing what I’m doing, I’ll get you your toilet paper!”
“Fine,” they scream back and forth at each other several times.
A woman in high heels hurried nervously into the restroom, only to immediately retreat in horror as the shouting continued. Unbeknownst to Vicki, Tim Conway had apparently been standing behind Carol as Vicki finished recounting the story.
Conway dryly responded, “I bet that was Harvey.”
The evening itself was beautifully structured. Vicki divides the performance into two approximately 40-minute segments, one as herself and one as her legendary alter ego, Thelma “Mama” Harper. The show opens with classic video clips featuring some of her greatest moments on The Carol Burnett Show along with bloopers from Mama’s Family to introduce Mama. As herself, Vicki told the remarkable story of how she first met Carol Burnett. While attending high school in Inglewood, California, she entered the local “Miss Fireball” contest sponsored by the fire department to crown the town’s most beautiful redhead. A newspaper article covering the event described her as the “spitting image” of Carol Burnett. Vicki’s mother suggested she mail the clipping to Carol along with a fan letter. Burnett was so impressed that she attended the pageant in person. As fate would have it, Carol was preparing a new variety series and searching for someone to play her younger sister. The rest, as they say, is television history. Another wonderful surprise during Vicki’s portion of the show was hearing her sing “Bless My Happy Home,” the heartfelt lyrics she personally wrote for the theme song to Mama’s Family that the network refused to use.
Discussing modern wellness trends, she joked, “I read an article not too long ago that said Tyra Banks uses a coffee enema. I tried it, and I don’t think they’re ever going to allow me in Starbucks again.”
Thelma Harper shuffled onto the stage full of glorious irritation, utterly disgusted with modern society. One target was the Kardashian family.
“Even I can’t get my butt that big,” Mama grumbled. “That thing was so big and round Neil Armstrong tried to walk on it.”
She also tackled contemporary culture topics like Kaytlin Jenner.
“Why would anybody want to become a woman just in time for menopause?” she asked in bewilderment before pivoting to marriage equality. “If two men want to be as miserable as I was with my husband, let ‘em go right ahead. The only problem is if you’ve got two men in the same car on a road trip, now you’ve got two idiots driving around for three hours without asking for directions.”
At another point, Mama explained her confusion after accidentally ordering an adult movie in a hotel room.
“That wasn’t cable he was laying,” she declared. “And just so you know, the Spice Channel has nothing to do with oregano.”
Her observations about technology were equally hilarious.
“I haven’t bought any kind of pads since menopause,” she said when discussing iPads. “And I got no reason to start now.”
The audience roared throughout the entire set. After Mama exited the stage, the legendary blooper in which Tim Conway’s famous elephant story was obliterated by Vicki’s one-liner as Mama that laid Conway flat. To close the evening, Vicki returned to the stage as herself and delivered a moving rendition of “For All We Know.” Family photographs and images of her famous friends appeared on the screen behind her, including touching pictures of her beloved husband, Al, who passed away two years ago after 50 years of marriage. It was a surprisingly emotional ending to an extraordinarily funny evening.
If I could describe Vicki Lawrence in one word, it would be “lovely.” I was entirely unprepared for how radiant she would look in person. At 77, she remains absolutely stunning. More importantly, she could not have been kinder to my family. I will always be grateful for her warmth and for allowing me the privilege of calling her my friend.
